By Kirk McCarley
Who among us does not crave a good life?
A good life can be defined by a variety of measures. A safe and secure environment is fundamental. We want our output to matter, doing what is interesting, rewarding, and delivers positive impact to others.
We are hopeful that when our time on earth is complete, we will have built a legacy. I’ve heard it said an ideal is to “live our lives such that at the end our memory will be celebrated at a memorial service that is standing room only.”
It was a remote meeting with a prospective coaching client. She was in a rough spot. Well educated, yet unemployed. Broken, she confessed that she didn’t deserve the affection of others. Worse, she went on to tell me the number of relationships she had wrecked, admitting the void of not having even one friend at present. It was then that I realized I was being summoned to a different role than coach, a more important calling. Regardless of whether she engaged with me professionally, I then told her, “I was going to be her friend.”
When we next communicated, she was better. Moreover, she helped me better appreciate my own friendships.
One of the earliest was Kenneth Ray Blakey in first grade. Kenneth Ray had the distinction of being the first African American student to set foot in the recently integrated Fort Worth Public School System in 1963. On occasion that year, he came to my house after school to play. I recall Kenneth Ray was a fan of the Minnesota Twins.
Kenneth Ray switched schools after that first year. I wonder what happened to him and if he ever considers his unique place in history. I do.
In high school I played sports with a guy I had known since 6th grade. Still to this day, we exchange a phone call annually on our respective birthdays. I carpooled to school with my good buddy down the street. We maintain contact and he’s enjoyed a successful career on the East Coast. Another friend recently retired after a long career as a physician. He texted me the other day about another mutual friend who continues an illustrious career as frontman for an avant-garde rock band.
In college I met the person who would become my very best friend. She and I recently celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary.
It was also while at university that I connected with a group of fraternity brothers who were similarly sports-minded. It was through these relationships that I was eventually linked to a larger sports world and ultimately a part-time role with ESPN.
I have now been affiliated with that company for more than 30 years. Through those years, I have had the fortune of working with a profuse array of crews. I can fairly say that the richest days have perhaps been most recently, having the opportunity to produce broadcasts with not only work colleagues, but people I cherish as friends.
In mid-career for those in executive positions, the development of friendships can be a difficult proposition. From a professional standpoint, fraternization with subordinate employees can lead to inherent risks of inappropriate relationships. In addition, demands frequently lessen the opportunities to develop relationships outside the work environment. I often found that our friends were the parents of those that our kids attended school with. When conflicts occurred in those relationships and the kids moved on, so did our adult friends.
I’m glad to have now reached a stage of life that in some ways resembles being in school again and having the chance to formulate new memories with more groups of buddies with common interests and experiences.
It is good to be at a place of having meaningful friendships. If you are in that position, treasure that gift and your memories with those people. Nurture your relationships: text, write, call, plan get-togethers. Who needs to hear from you?
