By Kirk McCarley
Best-selling author Jacob Morgan wrote that we become who surrounds us.
“If you surround yourself with negative people, you’ll become negative. But if you surround yourself with successful, growth-minded people, you’ll become successful too.
I experienced this firsthand. For years, I surrounded myself with those who didn’t support or encourage me and who brought me down instead of supporting my dreams. And over time, I realized that my mindset was changing to match theirs.
I realized I had to make a change. I got rid of a lot of people in my circle and chose to surround myself with positive people who encouraged my new ideas, personally and professionally. And it made all the difference in my goals and growth.
The habits of the people you surround yourself with rub off on you. Who you surround yourself with reflects who you are and who you can become.”
In the book of Galatians, Paul encourages alignment with the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. How do you identify those possessing these traits?
First, start with trial and error. I was introduced to a person, and we considered a business relationship. We had a couple of discussions to get to know one another. During our second meeting, I discerned a feeling in my gut that this prospective relationship was not going to be mutually beneficial for either of us. The hoped-for synergy simply didn’t exist. We each felt that way, respected our instincts, and verbalized it. The moral is that the honest conversation did not sever our connection: in fact, we agreed to collaborate on a different project down the road. Your gut is worth trusting.
Second, does their presence and example seem to help unlock your potential instead of holding you back? For the past year I have been engaged in a book project, with that piece on schedule to come out later this fall. Earlier, the editor had returned my first manuscript with literally hundreds of grammatical corrections and suggestions. My initial reaction was defensive, but after stepping back to more carefully review and rationalize I eventually came to agree with probably 99% of her recommendations. Though it may have hurt a little bit, she made my publication stronger and more coherent. More importantly, she did it respectfully. Should I have another project down the road, I will use her services again.
There are other questions to consider when discerning relationships:
- Does this person help make you a better version of yourself?
- Do they build you up or tear you down?
- Do they help you see things from a different perspective without tempting you to forfeit your values?
- How do their values align with yours?
- Does there seem to be a balance of giving and receiving? That does not necessarily equate to who talks the most and least. Could it be that by allowing them time to speak and be heard, they benefit, while you also absorb pieces of valuable wisdom and insight?
One of my best bosses was a gifted orator. In fact, given a 60-minute discussion, his words likely absorbed 58 minutes of our time together. Yet from those orations, I learned and applied many of his philosophies. I was further amazed that at the conclusion of those discussions, he was often able to almost magically “read” my reactions, thoughts, and opinions. I still wonder how he did that.
Barbara Huson, a wealth coach, suggests that we surround ourselves with five types of people:
- People who firmly believe in you.
- Trusted friends who have your back.
- People who have been “there” and can show you the way.
- Messengers, those who have information useful to you.
- Naysayers, because they will challenge you to achieve beyond what you may think is possible.
It’s never too late to become an even better version of ourselves. Who do you want to become? Then surround yourself with people who will help you get there.
A graduate of the University of North Texas, Kirk McCarley is a Certified Professional Coach as well as a Professional in Human Resources (PHR) and SHRM-CP Certified. He also is a Production Assistant for both college football and basketball for ESPN and leads group cycling classes as a Certified Spinning instructor. Contact kirk@theseedsowercoach.com, theseedsowercoach.com, or call 314-677-8779.
Author: Sowal Editor
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