What Version of You Will You Be?

By Stephenie Craig

It’s easier to be loving and kind when you agree and have things in common with others. But, what happens when you’re sitting around the table and someone shares an opinion wildly different than yours? Or, what happens when someone you don’t really know expresses ideas counterintuitive to your beliefs or values? What happens when someone is rude and critical of your thoughts and beliefs? What version of yourself shows up in that moment?

Culture currently encourages polarized thought and cutting people out of your life when you disagree. News and social media feed the narrative of each person having freedom to do and say what they want regardless of how it impacts others. And, legally, in most cases you do have that freedom. However, it might be wise to take a moment to reflect on who you want to be regarding your long-term character goals.

When you get to the end of life, how do you want to have shown up in the world? Do you want to be known for what you were against or what you were for? Do you want to be known for being right or for having healthy relationships? Do you want to be known for making people feel small or lifting people up?

So, in a world with so many conflicting perspectives, how do you become a loving, mature version of yourself?

8 Ways to Engage Your Loving, Mature Version of Self

1. Investigate value origins. Values originate from sources including family of origin, national origin, faith background, generational influences, trauma background, racial background, ethnic background, media influences, political background, life experience, and many others. Reflect on the tapestry of your own values background. Remember the above variables have many expressions that have shaped another’s values.
2. Consider different does not equal less. When surrounded by others who hold similar views to your own, you can assume people with different views/values/attitudes are less righteous, less intelligent, less moral, less patriotic, less religious, have less inherent worth, and are generally less than you. Viewing others as less leads to self-righteous posture that repels connection and relationship.
3. Consider you don’t have the corner on values definitions. Values such as integrity, kindness, decency, morality, and freedom have various expressions. While it is important that values have some commonly agreed upon definitions, it can be helpful to remember defining values incredibly specifically assumes you are right and most everyone else is wrong.
4. Hold fast to your values while making space for others. Defining and living by your values is a healthy pursuit. And, remember that others are walking through the same process with different value backgrounds. You can be clear about what you believe while respecting the humanity of those with different views.
5. Disagree with curiosity rather than judgment. Knowing what you believe and living your life in open alignment with your values is good. When interacting with someone who holds conflicting ideas, try suspending judgment and asking curious questions about how they developed their perspective. Openness to others’ life experiences often results in growth for the listener and we all have room to grow.
6. Focus more on your character than on the conflicting values. Acknowledge the conflict of values while asking yourself what character you want to exhibit toward other humans. Allow your character goals to lead as you engage conflicting values rather than allowing the values conflict to lead your character.
7. Engage boundaries before ending a relationship. If values conversations get heated or disrespectful, try suggesting avoidance of the topic to preserve the relationship or refuse to participate in conversations that feel hostile. Ending relationships can be necessary at times when boundaries are continuously disrespected, however, working through boundaries communication first helps preserve relationships in many cases.
8. View people with different values as a challenge to grow rather than as villains. When we define others as villains, we give energy to feeling resentful and disempowered. When we define others as a challenge to grow, we give energy to expanding our emotional and behavioral capacities both in immediate interactions with those who challenge us and beyond into many other areas of life.

Remember to give yourself and others compassion and patience as you evaluate and grow in showing up as a loving, mature version of yourself in the world. The discomfort of growth most often results in widespread positive life change over time. Connect with us at Journeybravely.com for counseling and coaching support along your journey.

Author: Sowal Editor

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