By Stephenie Craig
Are you overscheduled? Perhaps you’re rushing, exhausted, and regretting your full calendar. Maybe commitments are positive, like kid activities, time with friends, volunteer work, a celebration. However, when those events become the reality of your week and month, you want more time to just be with people, to be with yourself, to slow down and be present in the moment.
Saying too many yeses is tempting with many options and cultural encouragement to be involved or be left behind. Saying yes feels good and comes from a genuine place, but excessive yeses create feelings of regret and resentment regarding your time. Excessive yeses are a result of poor boundaries, guilt, fear of disappointing others, fear of being judged by others, obligation, proving your worth, fear of missing out, trying to earn approval, and attempting to keep yourself and others from experiencing uncomfortable feelings.
While saying no is healthy, it can be scary and hard. Saying no can upset people, result in missing out, and create uncomfortable feelings. However, learning to say no opens the pathway to your whole-hearted yes. Your whole-hearted yeses are commitments in alignment with your deep values and purpose. You can find your whole-hearted yeses by imagining you are at your life’s end reflecting back on how you spent your time. What yeses feel worthwhile? What yeses might you regret? Will you feel good about doing 10 things with exhaustion and obligation? Will you feel better about doing 3 things with presence, connection, and meaning?
Saying no and embracing your whole-hearted yeses allows you to release overwhelm and stress. Your no’s allow you to embrace simple joys and be present in your life. Saying no creates space to notice the vibrant color of the sky, the squirrel in the yard, the unfiltered laugh of a child, the snuggle of a pet, the flirty smile of your significant other. Your noes create space to appreciate rest, creativity, nature, unrushed conversation, and your spiritual life. No makes way for the beauty of your deep and profound yes. So, how do you begin the journey to your whole-hearted yes?
5 Ways to Find Your Whole-Hearted Yes
- Evaluate your schedule. Look at your week/month. Notice how you feel. Are you exhausted? Do you have a sense of dread about commitments? Are you wishing for quality time for things that matter most to you? If yes, acknowledge it’s time for a change.
- Begin cutting long-term commitments. Think through how many commitments you’d like to have on any week/weekend to feel balanced. Discuss with your family. Determine which current commitments are keepers based on your values and desired number of healthy commitments. Decide which commitments go. Perhaps each child has a limit on extracurricular activities. Maybe you don’t renew your membership on a board or social group. Maybe you volunteer for one very important cause instead of 5 moderately
important causes. This won’t be easy and you will likely find sacrifice is required to create more margin.
- Start saying no to short-term commitments. If you have decided you want no more than two weeknight commitments and two weekend commitments, once you’ve used up your whole-hearted yeses, no is the answer to other opportunities. Or swap one opportunity for another so you are holding your boundary on commitments.
- Process your uncomfortable feelings. You might feel guilt, fear of missing out, or fear of upsetting others. These feelings are normal and you can feel them and remember your whole-hearted yes to fewer high-priority commitments is worth much more in the world than your exhausted, resentful, half-hearted, over-committed yes. Also, remember you are the only person who can set boundaries for yourself in the pursuit of joy and purpose.
- Unapologetically communicate your whole-hearted yeses and your healthy noes to others. People who don’t respect your healthy noes are not respecting your boundaries. You have no reason to be ashamed of wanting to give whole-hearted yeses. People in your life can learn to hear, “Thank you so much for the invitation. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I won’t be able to join the event due to other commitments.”
Embracing your no and your whole-hearted yes can feel difficult at first; however, over time, it brings joy and flourishing to your life and relationships. Connect with us for counseling and coaching support along your journey at Journeybravely.com.
Author: Sowal Editor
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